Rambled thoughts on community...

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”
I found this quite quite awhile ago and wrote in down in my journal and today it came back to my mind. Yesterday this quote came to reality in our home group and it was good...hard but good! It is pretty sad how we can go through the darkest times in our life and not let anyone into those spots. And sadly enough, that goes against everything that I have desired or ever learned or even wanted. Sometimes life just throws us curve balls that literally knock us on our *sses (yep you know what I mean!) and it is hard to get up after them. We build walls around us to protect ourselves and in the end all they really do is hurt us. We think those walls keep out the hurt, and they may just do that for some time, but life keeps moving no matter how long we stay holed up in that "safe" place. For a time, that may be what is needed. But after awhile the darkness in that place gets stifling and you need fresh air in order to be able to breathe. Yesterday I felt like I took the biggest deep breath I have in a very long time. And that came because of being vulnerable to a group of friends that I have walked this journey of faith with for some time now. We have gone through so many seasons together and this was a day of vulnerbility and it was very good. You know what it feels like when you have been holding your breath for a very long time and you finally let it all out to take a good deep breath of freah air? Well that is what happened for me yesterday as I let light shine into the dark spot I had been in and let friends speak into that with their words of life and encouragement.

I am so thankful for the friends that sat in the room with me and Steve and who are willing to continue to journey with us no matter what. It wasn't easy to share the intermost feelings of who I am, but it was good. It is still in the process of coming out but the light has begun to shine in that very dark spot and it is good. Very bright after such a long period of darkness and I feel like I have to shield my eyes, but good...very good.