We moved here almost 7 months ago and I did it with mixed feelings. We were at a point in our life that we felt very strongly that God may be moving us on from this area. It wasn't something that we were looking for really but things were falling in place in ways we didn't see coming. It was exciting, scary, exhilarating and nerve wracking all in the same breath! I was at a place personally, where I was very ready to move to something new. We pursued it strongly in every way we could but were eventually met with closed doors. We were pretty confused as we felt this was something the Lord has spoken to us and something we weren't looking for. The closed doors were something we didn't expect at all, with so many other things falling in place, so we had to take a step back and reevaluate things.
We were at a point where we were living that we could stay or move on and we decided to move on. In my heart the moving on was not to be in this area, so it was hard to look. I know I looked half heartedly at the places we went to. I liked the place we chose but my heart wasn't completely there. It was hard to feel something so strongly only to be met with closed doors and not really understand why all that happened. I was really questioning God in all this and in all honestly was a little angry, confused and sad. But the task of packing and moving was before us, so I set my head to it and got things done. My heart would have to come along in time. It's hard to put your heart into things when you felt so strongly about something that was going to happen and then it didn't. I felt like someone had hit the pause button on my life and I was just going through the motions.
Making my home a comfortable welcoming place has always been important to me. I liked where we were living but it wasn't the home that I knew it could be. It took me 6 months to hang pictures and that is pretty big for me as pictures are very important to me and I love filling my home with them. I tried to put it off as we were just too busy to hang them but I knew it was more than that. The pause button was still on in my heart and I was just trying to figure things out. You wouldn't think that something as simple as hanging pictures would be so profound, but for me it was. After we had finished, I sat down and felt at home for the first time in a long time. It was so much more than just pictures staring back at me. It was love, life, family, peace, contentment. It was at that moment that I knew the pause button had been released on my heart and I was in play mode now. It was the attitude of my heart that had changed.
So for the past month I have been concentrating on making my house a home and I am loving it so much. For the first time in a long time, I feel like at home in my home. I still don't know what all the previous stuff was about possibly moving, and I have to be honest that I still question God what that was all about, but I am content and that feels good.