Ramblings...

Apr 18, 2010
Today has been a pretty hard day of missing my husband and my friends and just everything that is comfortable to me.  I sat in church alone again trying to get over my feelings of every looking at me thinking that I'm a single mom or something like that.  I know that sounds pretty vain but just the thoughts that run through my head!  I haven't really talked to anyone yet and it never ceases to amaze how you can be in a huge group of people and still feel so very lonely.  I know I should feel confindent to introduce myself but I just haven't been there.  Thankfully I have met some wonderful ladies at a Thursday bible study but I don't seem to see many of them Sunday morning; I'm probaly just not looking to good either.

It's hard going from 7 years of home church to the corportate church and I'm just really missing the relationships and the community we had.  Even in the times it was tough I still had a place to call "home" in their lives and they knew me.  I'm trying hard not to be judgmental in the "program" part of the church as I know it has to run like that to make it work but it just makes me miss our home group so much.  :(  And not having Steve by my side is hard.  I know things will have such a better outlook when he finally gets here and we can start this journey together.  Today has been 30 days since he left and it's hard.

I'm amazed at how hard homesickness hits me sometimes and its really hard.  I was fine when I woke up this morning and then came church and just sitting there by myself.  And then knowing that this afternoon our friends were gathering for a garden party with our home church and really wanting to be there brought the tears.  I had just posted something on facebook about being weepy for my friends and about 2 minutes after that my phone rang and it was a friend from home.  As I looked at the picture id I about bursted out in tears and did when I heard her voice.  I'm so thankful that Papa knew just what I needed at just the right moment.  I have no doubt that He orchrastrated that call just for me. 

I know it takes time...sigh....

This song is so much on my heart today and right where I am at...

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