I was sitting looking at some of my scrapbook albums the other day and came across this layout and it really went straight to my heart. I remember the day I made this and journaled all about the fact of being thankful for the one miracle we were given in our little girl. It was sort of a "coming to terms" moment in knowing that she would be our only one. Now as I look back it kind of makes me giggle knowing the God had different plans all along but ones we had no idea about. :)
It has definitely been a big shock finding out I was pregnant after 12 years of nothing and at times it's been hard. I had come to terms with having just one amazing little girl and had set my heart towards that. I was happy with our little family of three. The longings in my heart to add to our family had long passed. I hadn't prayed those desperate prayers of want for a very very very long time! The realization that we would have children 12 years apart and we would pretty much be starting all over with everything was, at first, hard to swallow. And I have to admit I still have days where I'm just still in shock of it all! The first few weeks after finding out were a rollercoaster ride of emotions. My poor husband! There were more tears shed in those times than I had cried in a very long time! Tears of happiness; tears of relief knowing that God does hear our prayers; tears of sorrow for the years we tried and nothing and now this; tears of joy; tears of unbelief; just lots and lots of tears! I think I scared our daughter into never wanting to get pregnant in how emotional I was!
There haven't been many tears since that time as I think I'm back in the shock mode of being pregnant. Reality is starting to set in. I still can't seem to look at a whole lot of baby stuff yet because it just doesn't feel real sometimes. Of course, being sick all the time makes it more of a reality than I want sometimes but it's still good! I think I'm waiting until we know for sure what we are having to get real exited and to start looking at all the cute baby stuff. I know it's a whole different world than it was when we had our girl. No more cutsie diaper bags with bears all over them! I want the cool one! :)
So we are on the verge of our 2nd miracle and I'm so thankful that God has everything under control and we can just sit back and trust in Him. I honestly don't know how I would have handled this without Him and knowing that there is a much bigger picture in all this that we may never even see. Our lives our in His hands and I'm thankful they are big hands that can hold a lot! Things are about to change in crazy ways for us here and we are going to need those big hands to carry us through!