I am strong!

 I have been working out now for about 3 months and it's been quite the journey.  I never thought I would actually like going to the gym but today I can honestly say that I do!  That is quite the accomplishment as just walking into the door of the gym a few months ago made my stomach do flip flops!  I am so much stronger today than when I started and it feels so good.

I had a emotional moment at the gym a couple of weeks ago and it was a wonderful realization of the above for me.  I was working out with my personal trainer doing weights on the bosu ball (that is a half ball that you balance on that is very interesting to say the least!) and it was getting pretty difficult.  I had to really push myself to keep going and all of the sudden I felt these emotions welling up in me that came out of nowhere.  At that moment all I wanted to do was cry and I really didn't understand why.  I instantly thought of the people on the show The Biggest Loser and how you see them cry during their workouts sometimes and how I really always wondered why.  Other than the fact that I know they are working really hard and sometimes it's painful, the tears never made too much sense to me.  But then I'm not the most emotional person sometimes either and it could be just that for me.  I didn't let the tears come to the surface and contrinued to push through the workout but it was in that moment that I came to the realization that I am truly a strong person and that I can do this! 

I got in the car and cried those tears that I had pushed down and it was one good cry.  For the first time in a long while I felt a inner strength in me to know that no matter what I face I can push through it.  Whether it is working out or something personal.  And the most important part of this all was knowing that I wasn't and will never have to do this by myself.  I have God on my side and rooting me on the whole way and always has been.  So they were good cleansing tears that I am so thankful to have let come to the surface and I walked away with so much more understanding and appreciation for our inner strength and how we can push through so much more than we let ourselves think we can.

Starting the Journey...

I have been wanting to blog about this but just haven't taken the time to sit down and do it.  Not to mention that it's one of those places that I have struggled with for almost a lifetime and sometimes it's hard to put all that down in writing.  There are so many emotions attached to it.  The "it" I am refering to is my struggle with my weight.  I have never been a skinny girl and have had body issues for as long as I can remember.  I have tried SO many ways to loose weight, some good and many bad, and nothing has ever really clicked for me.  I even tried just being happy being who I am and where I was and that didn't work because I knew in my heart that I wasnt really happy being that person. 

Like many people, I watch the Biggest Loser and sit there saying to myself that one day I will do that for me.  But season after season I did nothing after the finale but wait for the next show to premiere.  I finally had a "aha" moment during this last show that got me off the couch and serious about doing something.  It was after I saw Tracey come back and run the mile she couldn't after the season opener and how good she looked.  I sat there thinking "dang if she can do it I can too!"  I didn't like her at all on the show and sad to say that motivated me some!  But it was more than that too.  There were many "aha" little moments that led up to that one and that one just topped it off for me. 

So I decided to start using that gym membership that my husband got us about a year ago along with the personal trainer we had already paid for.  Going to the gym was pretty hard at first thinking all the eyes were on me as I walked in.  But I quickly got over that and know that really isn't the case.  Now I go 5 days a week and sometimes more and I can actually say that I like it!  I never thought those words would come out of my mouth!  Really!  And I meet with the personal trainer once a week right now.  I'm getting ready to meet with a new one soon and am looking forward to that.  I like how I feel after I have worked out and know that I am doing something good for my body and the results are starting to show.

The best part about all this is that I am starting to like the clothes I am wearing!  I hate shopping and especially when I have to shop in the large woman's section.  It's not that fun when all you want to do is cut the tag out of your clothes because you can't even face the size on it!  I had a very happy day last week when I went into the regular department at Target for a pair of jeans and actually was down a size from what I took into the dressing room so had to go back and get a smaller size.  You  bet I did a funny little happy dance in that dressing room!  This has been a huge motivation for me in the last couple of weeks and I am really liking shopping these days! 

I had been doing Weight Watchers and wasn't seeing the results that I wanted so decided to stop that and start the Biggest Loser online program.  I really like that!  I am eating more food and loosing more weight and that is a good result.  This is a life change for me and not just a diet "program".  I have done those types of things and they never stick.  Yes you may get some good results but that isn't anything that will be lasting.  I am eating lots of good fruits and veggies, organic meats, and concentrating on the amount of calories and that is working great.  Something that I can make a lifestyle. 

So this the yet another begining to this journey I have been on for some time, but one that I feel stronger and more passionate about than ever before.  Something has definitely clicked in me this time and I'm running with it! 

Holey Donuts!!!

I have been seeing these on a few different blogs and websites and decided to take the plunge or order some myself. I have a huge sweet tooth and wanted to see for myself if what people said about these were as good as I was reading. They arrived a couple of days ago and I can officially say I am in love with them! They are a little on the pricing side because of the shipping (they are made fresh and have to be shipped frozen) but I will say it is SO worth it! So if you are looking for a nice little treat (and only 3 pts. for WW) I say go for it. Subscribe to their newsletter and you can keep up to date on any specials they run. I ordered when they were offering 2 free boxes so it made it a better deal and made it easier to spend the amount I did on such a indulgence! Okay just after I posted this I got an email saying they are offering free shipping tonight until midnight! Here is what you have to do...Mix and match any 4 assortments of Donuts, Jumbo Reduced Fat Fat Cinnamon Buns or our new Low Fat Cinnamon Glazed Donut Doles for FREE SHIPPING! then in the coupon/promo code box at checkout enter "FRSH4".

Lost 7.8 lbs!

Well I returned to Weight Watchers last night and it went really well. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard her congratulate me on loosing 7.8 lbs! Of course it had been about a month and a half since my last meeting, but I haven't been keeping track at all, not eating the way I should, not going to the gym the way I was, and eating out a lot. Not great components to loosing weight at all! But I have been extremely busy so I think that helping a lot. There were times in the past month that I just didn't have time to even sit down for whole days and eating was just not a priority. Not healthy but reality. At least it was better than chowing down on junk! :)

My blog on the always having that next thing is where this really hits home to me. Right now I don't have anything pressing on the calender biding for my attention and I have time to focus on things that have been put on the side. Getting healthy being one of the main ones. Normally I would tell myself that I would go back to a meeting once I was able to track my food for a couple of weeks and feel good about where I was. Kind of the whole concept of getting cleaned up before you take a bath. I fool myself into those kind of thoughts and it always backfires. I end up no where and in the long run only hurt myself.

So I decided there was no more putting things off and I did it. I was so thankful for the results I got, but no matter, it was getting there that was the important part for me. I was bracing myself for the worst case scenario though, thankfully that was not where it went. I definitely walked out of there with a lot more confidence than what I walked in with and a new commitment to keep going. Of course having pants that have saggy butts and are falling off of you are a big push too to keep going too! ;) My goal is to simply start getting healthy and take care of myself and loosing weight is just the added benefit.

I wanted to share my absolute favorite snack right now! Have you had laughing cow swiss cheese? OMG...so yummy! I eat them with Pretzel Crisps (all from Sam's club) and for 2 wedges of cheese and 11 pretzels it's only 3 points. That is one great snack! Highly recommend it if you haven't tried them before.

This was me yesterday!

I had my first workout with a personal trainer yesterday and if you now the Wizard of Oz and when the scarecrow gets off his post for the first time, well that was me yesterday! It was pretty pitiful! My legs felt like jelly after a few of the things she had me do and when I walked out of there and off the curb and did the scarecrow dance right in front of everyone! :)

So today I am pretty sore but in that sick way it feels good. Feels good to know I actually did something yesterday for the good of my body and that I am on a new path. I will be working out 3 days a week with the routine that the trainer gave me and hopefully more if I can fit it in on cardio.

I also decided to join Weight Watchers (again!) to really give myself a good start. I have done a lot of different programs so I debated on doing it or not but figured right now I can use all the help I can get. I work much better when I have a program to follow and with the trainer and a food plan I think success is much higher for me.

I have to say it was a big struggle getting myself into the gym yesterday. Just getting dressed was a battle. The old tapes of "you can't do this", "you will fail yet again!" and so on were playing loud and clear in my head and it was quite hard. But I know this was just a battle coming from the enemy and my own weaknesses and I chose to not let that stop me. And I know this won't be the last time I battle with it but I will push through it. And just the idea of working out with other people was hard too. But again I did it! So many changes to make and I'm on a good path and I'm taking things one step at a time. On the path to a new me in more ways than just physically, spiritually and emotionally.