HE is the giver of GOOD gifts!

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

There are some things that have been on my heart since having our little one and since I'm wide awake right now (but should be sleeping since Kaden will be wanting to eat in a few hours!) I thought I would try to put them into actual words here.  I never thought I would have the wonderful feeling of being pregnant again and when I found out that I was it was with lots of mixed emotions.  I had really come to terms; years before this; with that fact and this really didn't "fit" into what I thought out life was supposed to look like.  Just another way God chose to show me that I'm really not in control of my life as much as I would like to think that I am.  :)  The 7  months that I had to prepare to meet our new little one was quite the journey for me.  I went through so many different emotions and I'm thankful that I had that long to deal with them all!  It was quite the roller coaster ride to say the least! 

If feels almost like yesterday that I held my little guy for the very first time and I can still feel all those emotions that overcame me as I held him in my arms.  It's a moment I will never forget!  I had no idea just how much this little guy would change my life and fill my heart with such goodness.  I know that God had His perfect timing on this and there is no better time than His.  I remember going down to the nicu once I was able to get out of bed to see him and the tears that came once I was able to hold him again and how different they were from the ones when I found out I was pregnant.  Those tears weren't necessarily the happiest ones as it was something that took me quite by surprise and as I said before had lots to work through with it all.  They were definitely bittersweet ones at that time, but as I held him again in that room they turned to tears of joy and gratitude for the beautiful wonderful gift God had blessed us with. It's amazing how our hearts can change and accept what God has planned for us!  At that moment, I couldn't imagine my life going any other way than what was happening and that little boy was just the beginning of something new for us; for me.  

A couple of weeks after I had Kaden and after we had moved into our new place, I remember sitting on the couch holding him and listening to some praise and worship music and had a moment that I will never forget.  It was so peaceful in our house and I was just enjoying snuggling with my little guy.  The presence of God was strong in the room and it was like I could almost feel Him sitting right next to me.  It was one of those things that hasn't happened to me too often but one that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is Him right there with you and it was so sweet and tender.  All of the sudden all I could do was silently weep as I held my little guy and it was like a dam was breaking in my heart.  It was as if God was whispering into my heart that "this was His gift to me and there was nothing that I had to do to earn it; it was His pleasure to give it so freely".  The years of infertility had taken it's toll on my beat up soul and He was washing it clean as I sat there and held this new perfect baby in my arms and dripped my tears all over his head.  It was then that God showed me that I had been holding onto some wrong thoughts and He wanted me to lay them at His feet and that is just what I did.  The years and years that I had cried out to Him to bless us with more children had done something to my heart; something that wasn't good. I had built up some walls and some bad thinking that He was bringing to the surface.  It was pretty painful to realize and to be feeling those emotions all over again but so very cleansing as well.  I had to realize that I had thoughts all along that there was something that I had done to allow me to not get pregnant; something bad that would not allow God to bless me with the gift of more children.  It wasn't something that I consciously thought about often but just an attitude that I had developed over the years that carried over into so many areas of my life.  And for the first time in a long time, I was coming to terms that there was nothing I could have done or not done to allow that and He was releasing that in me and showing me that He is the giver of good gifts and the timing is all His!  It was and forever will be a pivotal moment in my spiritual walk and one that I will hang onto dearly as I just sat there in His presence and let Him love on me as I loved on my little boy.  

As I sit here writing this, I'm again listening to worship music and my heart is taking me right back to that moment and just how sweet it was.  He is so good to us and wants to give us such good gifts.  I can't help to wonder how many times I have refused to take something good from Him when He wanted to give it to me so freely but I was caged up in my own thoughts of unworthiness and unable to accept them.  My heartcry is that I will not allow that wall to build up again and allow Him to be who He desires to be in my heart and life.  I will forever be changed because of that moment and it's something I will carry with me forever.  He is so good to us!  

Baby Banner

Well I didn't get the greatest pictures of these before sending them off today but I still wanted to share them. These are some banners that I made for a baby shower for a friend in Asheville and (if I don't say so myself! lol!) I think they turned out pretty darn cute! Of course, seeing them in person is always better than a flat picture but you get the idea. I really hope to start being able to get busy and put more of my banners in my etsy shop, I just need my life to get stuck from the fast forward button sometime soon! I really love doing this and sharing my creative ideas! :) thanks for peeking!

6 weeks!

It's pretty hard to believe that our little man is 6 weeks old already!  Oh where did that time go!  It's definitely been a time of huge adjustment for our little family of 3 but one that we all welcome with big open arms!  

At 6 weeks:

*weighs 10lbs 13 oz and 21 1/2 inches long

*down to one feeding at night at about 3 am and that makes his mommy really happy!

*starting to find his voice and it's pretty cute to listen to him!

*has started following us as we talk to him and move around

*having some eating issues and we are trying to figure out if it's reflux or something else so hopefully soon we will have an answer to that 

*loves ceiling fans and lights of any kind and will stare at them for long periods of time!

*has the most amazing big sister any little boy could ever have!

*has us all wrapped around his little fingers with vice grips!  lol!

Big changes coming for us!

As if having a baby isn't enough to bring major change into our life, we have decided to do something pretty drastic with our eating habits and are starting on a journey that will make us vegans for at least the next 28 days. I really can't believe that I just typed the word vegan about myself!  We have been on a path for some time to becoming healthy and trying to eat better and after a lot of research, it's something we really want to pursue.  I'm not sure we will be vegan at the end of what we are going to do for the next 28 days but we will see.  We are going to be doing the Engine 2 diet that you can read more about here if you want.

Earlier last week I watched Forks Over Knives and it really opened my eyes to some things that I feel we need to change.  I haven't ever really been the type to jump on anyone's bandwagon but really feel there is so much truth in this documentary that makes perfect sense.  We really just want to eat right and do something that makes us feel better.  We talked about simply going to clean eating and eliminating all processed food from our diet but have decided to just jump in with both feet and give our bodies a huge jumpstart to feeling better.  It's going to be a big change for us but one that we are pretty excited to start.  

A perfect fall day!

We visited Faulkners Pumpkin Patch today and had a great time!  It was a perfect fall day and it was spent with my favorite people here!  ;)  So thankful for the friends God has placed in my life and for the memories we are making together.  :)

5 weeks!

It's hard to believe that it's been 5 weeks since our little guy has arrived!  It's been a whirlwind of non stop activity here.  We have had lots of company wanting to meet little Kaden and it's been fun having them all.

We moved two weeks after I had him and that was quite the adventure to say the least!  Having had a c section made things rather interesting for me not being able to help much and I'm very thankful for everyone who was able to help us out.  We couldn't have done it without those who came!  We are loving our new place and how it just seems to fit us so well.  It's a lot smaller but just perfect for our little family right now.  Thankfully we have a nice big basement to put all our extra stuff in for the time being while we figure out just what to do with everything.  We are enjoying the nice quiet neighborhood too since our last neighborhood brought with it quite the collection of sirens.  :)

It's been quite the adjustment realizing that I now have a tween and a newborn and what different worlds they live in and how I have to balance them both.  It's going to be a wild ride for sure!  Kiersten is the most amazing help and I'm so thankful for all she does to help us out.  I did struggle a bit with how far apart they were going to be apart but those thoughts are far from me now after seeing how well it really works. 

Sleep is something we really miss these days!  Thankfully Kaden is doing pretty good right now and giving us mostly 4 to 5 hour stretches at night and I look forward to the day we get to sleep through the night.  Hopefully soon!  

I'm enjoying taking lots of pictures of our little man and have hopes of scrapbooking them very soon.  One can really hope huh?! lol!  

Sometimes I wish I could just stop the clock and freeze so many of these moments in time as I know it's all going to pass way too quickly!  Just trying to live in the moment and enjoy each one as they come.  :)

Our first week!

It's pretty hard to believe that it's only been a week since we brought our little baby boy into the world!  In some ways it's gone so very fast and in other ways it seems that time has come to a halt in our little world.  

Some random thoughts on our first week:

*I have fallen head over heals in love with our little guy 

*It's been 12 years since we had a newborn in the house and it's amazing how you remember so much and forget even more!

*Moving a week after you have a c section isn't the smartest thing to do!  We don't like to keep things boring in our lives for sure!

*The smell of formula is something you don't ever forget, especially in bottles left sitting that you have to clean

*Having a 12 year old is amazing for a built in helper and she is the best!

*Drugs are our friends! I have a high tolerance for pain but it's much better when I'm on good drugs.  :)

*Sleep deprivation is a part of our lives for this time 

*Loves the sounds that Kaden makes as he eats...kind of like he is singing to himself

*I could sit and hold my little guy all day if I could!

*I feel closer to my husband in ways I can't even explain right now just knowing that we brought this amazing little boy into the world out of our love for each other

*How quickly baby stuff  has taken over our  house and how much these little people need!

*Just what you can with lack of sleep amazes me!

*That God has blessed our family in ways I never thought He would in the many years of not being able to conceive and my heart is full

*Our whole vocabulary has changed...our son, the kids, family of 4, brother and sister, sibling...it catches me by surprise sometimes hearing these phrases and knowing they are about us now!

*Being pooped up and peed on by a little boy just isn't that pleasant!

*How this just feels like it completes me in ways I can't even put into words right now

*How amazing it feels to see my husband holding his son

*What amazing husband I have to walk through this with me and how much closer we have become during this pregnancy and delivery

So very thankful for friends!

Amy flew in from Asheville just to be here with us during the birth of Kaden and it's been wonderful to have her here.  It's amazing to have friends that will do this for you and I'm so thankful for her!  She has been keeping watch over Kiersten for us and our little pups and it's been great to not have to worry about that stuff while we are here.  It's great to have the time to just hang out with her as well since we live so far apart from each other now.  

Being in a new place and having a new baby has definitely been not the easiest position to be in and I'm thankful for the friends that God has placed in our path here.  Kate and Ashley have been amazing as well helping us out during this time and my heart is filled with thanks for all God has blessed us with here.  

And the many well wishes and messages from our friends and family have been overwhelming as well, in a good way!  It's been fun reading all our facebook messages and the excitement our little guy has brought. 

Kaden in the NICU

Having to have your baby in the NICU is never anything you want and it was hard to truly comprehend all that was happening but thankful that he was being well taken care of by the wonderful people there. He ended up having to just be in there for 2 days and right now it looks like he will be going home with us once I'm released.  It was hard not being able to be with him much during the last 2 days but we knew they were doing what was best for him and that was what was important to us too!  He was, of course, the biggest guy there and the nurses there loved him!  It was amazing to walk by the little little babies there and made us even more thankful for him and that things could always be different with him.  But no matter what we knew God had him in His hands and everything was going to be just fine.  Due to his breathing issues, they had to feed him through a tube in his nose and he had to do that for the first 24 hours.  The last 24 hours we were able to feed him with the bottle but he still had to stay in the NICU for monitoring.  They were trying to figure out the why of his breathing issues and had to do lots of testing.  They ended up finding a small heart murmur and some issues that will hopefully clear themselves by the time he is 1 to 2 months old.  Since he was a full term baby we ill just have to take him to see a cardiologist when he is 1 to 2 months old to see if the issues have corrected themselves and we are hopeful that that will be what happens.  

   He was released from the NICU tonight and we are elated!  Now he gets to be in the room with us and we can really get in our baby time!  And I really should be sleeping right now but my back is hurting from the spinal and the pain meds don't seem to be touching it much.  ugh!